Sentient

Munich, Germany. (June, 2014)

“How does the meadow-flower its bloom unfold? Because the lovely little flower is free down to its root, and in that freedom bold.”- William Wordsworth.

Life and its seasons.
Spring,Summer, Autumn, Winter,
alternating in exchange.
It feels familiar and strangely new,
in this uncertain certainty, certain uncertainty.

There are few joys equal to a heart that is free.

Freely Yours,
delightfully Yours.

D'Artagnan

The name has a charming ring to it, doesn't it?

Went on a spontaneous hike with a couple of uni mates,
scratched palms, muddy pants, sweat-beaded face...
all to complete the experience.

On one side, we see the bubbling city, with stretches of constructions, twin towers culminating at the far horizon. Not too bad...

On the other side, we see the effortless beauty of nature, untempered by the hands of man. Ah, the Genius of splendor.

*

Do we have an all-pervading joy, even when there's nothing tangible to be joyful about?

Ashes

" A sculptor does not use a manicure set to reduce the crude, unshapely marble into a thing of beauty. The saw, the hammer, and the chisel are crude tools, but without them the rough stone must remain forever formless and unbeautiful. To do His supreme work of grace within you, He will take from within your heart everything you love most; everything you trust in will go from you. Piles of ashes will lie where your most trusted treasures used to be. "

- A.W Tozer

Is life tragic?
In many ways yes.

Yet, even in the deepest pit,
hope remains.

Even in ashes, life and beauty arises.

Rucksack

image by inthoughts

"...the people had enough to live by, but nothing to live for; they had the means but no real meaning to live on..."
-Victor Frankl

Often, what I wanted most never came true; yet what I never asked for, came knocking candidly on my door, slowly unfolding right before my eyes, and the reality...the tangible present reality of things sinks in, all too prominently.

I will, O Lord, not because I think I can, but I will nonetheless, if this is what You've called me to.

Ersatz

image by KristinaVF

One death is a tragedy, a million deaths is just a statistic.
I read this as I glanced through the papers,
which I usually finish while standing.

Death happens all around us,
yet we never think it can happen to us...
Desensitize from others pain.

Once, my good friend stood up for something right,
and he was mocked and marred mercilessly.

What disgusted me most was not the crowd's reaction,
but by my insidious silence, steep in fear.

Moral cowardice unveiled,
memory etched and my own silence piercing within,

'Lord, give me the boldness and courage I never had, knowing I can receive nothing save it be given from You.'

Yawning Abyss

Trying my level best to move around gracefully and more important, noiselessly as my new JB roommate sleeps on. Failed miserably the very next minute, as I pulled out Tolkien's Silmarillion, which made an awful loud thump,slipping through my butter fingers.

The room is coldd and I'm wearing my comfy headphones as earmuffs, without any music playing. I like silence. Total, complete silence, especially during the early morns and late nights. Disarray and bombardment can wait.

Was compelled to do a conventional 2010 look-back here, but my bed beckons and I shall deny it no further.

It wasn't a perpetual sunshine, it never is, but it was a year of perpetual wonder and amazement. The untrodden paths that was divinely ordered, the absolutely delightful souls as companions on the same journey, the learning to see things as they are, and not what I poorly deceive myself for them to be, the crummy mistakes and failures interwoven with adoring awe as He over-reaches the seemingly most hopeless situation, and turns them for good. His good.

He doeth all things well, indeed.

Marionette

image by isabelle

Soon,
I'll be back on campus,
with lectures to attend,
more notes to write,
books in the library to indulge in,
and friends to enjoy and disagree with.

New adventures to live.

I wonder who my new roomie is?

Internship at theSun has been bizarre, meeting all sorts of people, learning with an open-mind (yet not too open till my brains fall out), has been an enriching one.

I live and cherish every single moment of life.

" The only opportunity you will ever have to live by faith is the circumstances you are provided with this very day: this house you live in, this family you find yourself in, this job you have been and the weather conditions that prevail at the ...moment."

- Philip Yancey

Fragile

image by annamorosani

" Beauty hurts now. We're so full of death..."
- A Woman in Berlin, 1945

There's something repugnant about naivety,
no not the childlike innocence that all of us need, or else drown in unkind cynicism;
but naivety that is ignorant of all the pain, senseless sorrows and evil...evil that springs from human depraved(very) nature.

I guess I've stopped being shock or disappointed at what others can do, when I've seen that I'm just as capable, granted if i was placed in the same circumstance.

Plunged to the depths, I then realize the indescribable measure of His grace.

Come What May

photo by annoraong

Blind but happy,
cos you know you're in no safer hands.

Dreams..

are wishes the heart makes. -Disney.

To give is better than to receive,
to lay down than to lay hold,
to die, so that we might truly live.

To let go, and let God..

be God.

A Pair of New Eyes...

to see 'the unimportance of everything but God, and in God and with Him and through Him, the importance of everything' - Brennan Manning.

***

Doodling during my Malaysian Studies finals,
I was silently hoping that I passed it, once and for all.

Finals.
I guess it gives the jitters cos it's one last chance to get it right.
and what makes things worse if you haven't been at it consistently.

***

Things don't happen out of sudden, without no apparent reason.
Watching your love ones suffer yet being helpless, paralyzingly helpless..
is painful. pain full.

Hows life my friend asked, from a city 10,000 miles away.
'Seems like you're having fun through all the facebook pictures.'

Plenty of fun times for sure, but DSLRs just don't capture the many sad times we're all faced with, usually alone. and only when alone.

That's life huh?
Insanely tragic...

but my heart is steadfast.

Where my life ends, His life begins.

Honeycomb

Standing strong, with feet firm on the ground;
yet with a joyful Hope and a willingness to leap in faith.
Let what started as a spark, become a eternal burning flame.
All life is encounter, don't let mine be choked by endless culture.
Endless, senseless culture,
whose prison bars unseen
entraps the human soul.

oh foul!


***

'A night when all will seem as a dream,
a Midsummers' night dream.
When cupids and fairies shall walk before us
and leave us joy in their wake..all the best Regina'

Text message from CJ before the play. Ain't it beautiful?

The audience were our happy sidekicks that day,
they laughed at the slightest pun,
that we fail to realize was even funny,
due to the anxiety of them falling asleep,
as we choke and sputter out Shakespeare's
long forgotten lines...

How wrong we were!

They loved it,
and we danced upon that rapport.

as if in a dream.

Little Wonders

Because I won't trade every,single thing that happened, for any other thing.

Regrets into lessons,
mistakes into opportunities,
heartbreaks into trust,
disappointments into true hope,
Sadness into sensitivity.

All means to a Greater End.

Living in the now,
ever appreciating what is around,
ever hopeful not in circumstance,
but in Him and Him alone.

Words fail,
but Thank You.

I'm a walking paradox.

"Why you so temperamental one? PMS-ing ar?"
- Quoted by Wen Shan, the one and only.

I enjoy people's company, i really do but then *snap* I suddenly just want to spend time alone,
I use to run up to the highest floor of college and play the piano, but Noooooo... now it's flooded with all the new piano maestros who all have the skill to turn Mary Had a Little Lamb into a symphony okay! *Go somewhere else to show off!* haha, actually I do enjoy seeing them play actually. 10 fleshy fingers running along the piano, and *poof* a whole new world.

Human nature is so fascinating, they never seem to bore me to tears and amuse me at the same time.

I'm eating in the canteen. "Hey! You are eating?"
I cut my hair. "Hey! You cut your hair?"
amusing.

But yet, there are those unpredictable ones. Betrayals, harsh words that as much as i hate to admit it, linger deep within me. Tears my heart, and just before i'm so tempted to blame every single one around me, it forces me to my knees, to cry to my God, as painful as it is.

Yet, things don't change, circumstances remain the same, but boy,I find new strength and courage to move on, not of my own, but from God who is sovereign and true.

Intellect can't save me, Logic not one bit, philosophy? enlightening but not life-giving.

*As the going gets tough, I cling even harder to You.*